Day 5 - Cannes to Marina di Pietrasanta

Yesterday was more about making up some lost miles rather going off the beaten track a bit or hanging around in garages with french man in oily overalls. Having said that though I managed to pay small visits to Grasse, Nice, Monaco, La Spezia and Portovenere. I did want to visit Portofino but a combination of three things put me off. I didn't want do anymore car seat gymnastics trying to get yet another motorway toll ticket (damm these bastards who have left hand drive cars), the motorway interchange was horrible just after Genoa and I forgot to enter Portofino on the Sat Nav. Its a shame to miss it out really but I needed to put a bigger driving stint in.

Grasse is a nice little place. Full of brightly coloured old houses arranged in a Krypton Factor type maze and the whole town reeks of perfume. I resisted the temptation to call the first guy I saw a "perfumed ponce". But I left there after an hour or so and down to Nice via Antibes. I drove along the promenade des anglaises, through the old town and up onto the coast road to Monaco. I made a brief stop there and then headed back up to the motorway via this incredible road that clung to the side of sheer rock faces.

Once on the motorway I headed into Italy. There was no sign of the Purple Audi A4 in a gravel car park although they did find a set of red overalls with a badge saying "I love lesbians". A rather fishy business.

After passing Genoa and navigating an incredibly difficult and completely unnecessary motorway interchange I kept ploughing on until the first AutoGrill stop to have my first real italian coffee. Nobody makes it like the italians. I don't know what they do to it but it tastes like nothing else. As usual our dear french chums have a lot to learn.

I made it to La Spezia at about 5pm and drove straight through it to Portovenere, which is the gate to the amazing Cinqueterre. I parked up in Portovenere for an hour and did a little bit of what Otis Redding enjoyed doing sometimes, it is alleged.

From there I drove back through La Spezia and into Marina di Massa where I couldn't find a hotel room, so I continued into Marina di Pietrasanta. Booked myself into a nice little hotel by the beach and dined out on beer, a nice seafood pizza and a coffee. I finished the evening off watching First Blood after hooking up the Archos to the room's enourmous TV.

Anyway. Here are some photos from yesterday.............

Which I'll post later. Or maybe a day later............

Grasse. Famous for perfumes. Edie Piaf also died there after mistakingly drinking a bootle of perfum instead of a bottle of Gin. I bet she regrets that.

Nice

Monaco

and finally Portovenere.

Day 4 - Avignon to Cannes

Good morning. Well its the day after day 4 as Wifi internet access wasn't "disponible" in my room. I was on the 6th floor of the mighty Etap Hotel overlooking the bay of Cannes.

Yesterday was quite an expensive day. After slipsliding around on the monsoon sodden road in between Arles and Avignon I thought it was necessary to get the front tyres change. I found a local Speedy garage and after 2 hours and 380 Euros later Bertha emerged with two new front tyres (high quality Hankooks by the way) and two new shock absorbers. One was coroded and starting to crack and the other was leaking fluid. Better to be safe than sorry.

I then went back into Avignon as a I had a lunch date with a beautiful and charming young lady. After a hearty lunch of beef, ratatouille, jacket spuds and a creme sauce ( plus a bad case of Pigeon Porn) it was back on the road to Aix en Provence. I did a quick tour by car of Aix but again the traffic was bad and I couldn't find anywhere to park so I continued onto to Mont St Victoire. I painted this from a copy of a Cezanne painting when I was nine. Apparently Mr Cezanne painted this amazing mountain over 50 times. And guess what, after seeing it I know why he did. It never looks quite the same. You walk 10 metres up the road and the light and shading of the mountain changes. It must've have driven him crackers. Can you imagine if he went back the next day to finish it off? He must have said "bollocks, where the hell did I sit yesterday?" But its an incredible mountain. Its only about 1500 metres high but I doubt it very much if I'll see one with so much character. It was so peaceful and quiet up there as well. The odd cricket in the background but its a truly stunning place to visit.

After this I drove on the Autoroute to Cannes to check into the hotel. I found the same Carrefour that me and the mad dog went to last year and bought some Nuit Calme tea (request from Copper Knob's wife, the poor woman) , some tins of William Saurin Cassoulet and some fine wine.

I dined out at McDonalds. I had a CBO burger (chicken, bacon and onion). Not bad.

After off to Italy today via Grasse. I will try and get as far as Livorno or La Spezia today.

Here are a few pictures........

Pont d'Avignon!

Mont Saint Victoire

and from a couple minutes further up the road.

Day 3 - Le Puy en Velay to Avignon

I got going fairly early this morning from Le Puy en Velay. I grabbed a quick Croissant and a Pain au Chocolat from this lovely old dear in a Boulangerie in the main square and then got going on the road to Mende. The N88 road is a very nice one to drive on and it was more or less deserted. I was treated to some fantastic scenery including some of the biggest volcanoes in the region shrouded in the early morning mist.

Plus I had to take one of the old girl........

Anyway, I arrived in the very pleasant town of Mende about an hour later via a lake that wasn't cracked up to be. I put another half tank of petrol and then drove off to the Gorges du Tarn. The road went into a series of hairpin bends and I was loving it until some local knobend in a Subaru Impreza parked himself a metre or two behind me. He then overtook me on a blind corner. Ah well sunshine, whatever floats your boat. One day you'll end up in the bottom of a ravine. Then the road levelled out at 800 metres and ploughed its way through this massive plain. I have to admit that it felt a bit like Gran Turismo. In particular there was this sweeping 6 corner left, right and up and down series that left me grinning like an idiot after I took it on Nigel Mansell style. I will have to go back with a more powerful car one day! Something Japanese with 4wd and a decent rally pedigree.

Then after the high plains drifting the mighty Gorges stood majestically in front of me.

For the next hour or so I just looked around in complete awe. It's a truly awesome place. Although the pictures look great they don't really describe how incredible the place is. Even the engineers who built the road many years ago couldn't have thought that it would open this place up to the world in such an accessible way. You weave in and out of tunnels bored into the rock and there's an urge to stop every 5 minutes and take another picture. I'll post a few more now....

You get the idea I hope. Here's another I took whilst driving. Naughty I know but necessary.

I could publish another 10 photos I took of Les Gorges but I'll run out of space.After the Gorges I drove down towards the town of Millau and its stunning bridge. When you approach Millau you get a few glimpses of it but its actually reasonably well hidden unless you drive though the interesting little town of Millau and out of town. I have to say that Norman Foster has created something truly extraordinary. The French may have built it, but we designed it! Its an incredibly sleek design and to be honest like Concorde it looks almost fragile and flimsy and hardly up to the job. Its made a huge difference to the A75 motorway though. Before the bridge, all the motorway traffic went though Millau itself. This has to be the most elaborate bypass ever designed but as yet it hasn't turned Millau into a ghost town.

Here's one underneath the bridge

Then one from the same level

And this is on the approach to the bridge. Also signposted is where I stopped for my lunch.

I continued on down towards Montpellier. About 30 km after Millau it levels off at 800 metres or so but then soon after you plunge into a big tunnel and emerge from the other side at 400 metres above sea level. The intention was to visit Montpellier but I got a bit lost and Tom Tom took me down some dodgy looking streets last seen in French Connection 2 and I lost my nerve. So I got out of there quick smart and headed towards Aigues Mortes which its a nice little place surrounded by very old ramparts. 30 minutes was sufficient to see everything. I then drove through the Camargue national park under increasingly grey skies and ended up at Arles. I had another 30 minutes in Arles before it monsooned it down and turned Arles and its environs into the Ganges delta.

I continued onto to Avignon where I checked into the hotel and then dined out in style on a Tagine Pruneaux which consisted of Lamb, prunes, raisins and almonds with a bowl of couscous to add balance and ballast. Very tasty and as yet (8am) no adverse reactions to a potentially tricky dish to digest.

Anyway. Today is all Rousillon, Aix en Provence, Mont St Victoire, Marseilles, Les Gorges du Verdon and Grasse.

Day 2 - Bourges to Le Puy en Velay

Well, today was a day of ditching the Tom Tom and the Autoroutes in favour of the trusty AA Atlas and the Route Nationale and D roads. I started off the day by going to Bourges town centre. Its a really pictoresque little place with a huge cathedral. After a good hour's walk around the town I drove to Chateauroux via Issoudun, the former wasn't that nice and the latter is supposedly a nice little medieval town. I didn't stop as the town was packed solid with middle aged men, having a mid life crisis, clad in leather and mounted upon big motorbikes. They seemed to be selling each other bike parts in the big market place, like a car boot sale, but only with old blokes in leather. Who says our French friends don't have a sense of humour. I only stopped for 15 minutes or so in Chateauroux. I bought some wild boar terrine, a nice french stick and a local very manly quiche called a Savoyand. The filling is potato and cheese and then then criss cross bacon strips on top of it. Very tasty. I wonder if old Gerard Depardieu had some in his younger years. He was born there you see.

Bourges Cathedral

After that it was a journey to Montluçon via the imposing and amazingly restored 12th Century Château at in the small town of Culan, the slightly larger town of Le Chatre and another Château in the small Hamlet of Sarzay. I got a bit lost in Montlucon after given the old girl a drink of 95 Sans Plomb (she did 520 miles on the first full tank) . I dunno whether it was the street layout or the bunch of walnut faced peasants in the petrol station that unnerved me but my sense of direction completely deserted me. Apparently the lovely Audrey Tautou (she of Amelie fame) comes from Montluçon. Perhaps she escaped early in life.

The Chateau at Culan.

I finally managed to get myself on the right road to Le Puy de Dome passing through a couple of interesting places. Firstly the ruined Château Rocher at Menat and possibly the finest example of wasting EEC money in the overly tarted up town of St Eloy Les Mines. You enter the town from the north and the first roundabout you pass is so elaborate, unfortunately it doesn't entirely cover the huge factory behind it. The local Mayor must be a complete pimp or a complete slut. The whole town looks like its been designed by Elizabeth Duke.

I got to the Puy de Dome only to hear that the mountain was full! There's a big car park on the top and it was full. If I had walked up I would still be there now so I asked a couple of times and the guy took pity on me. It only cost 6 euros and the views were amazing. Bertha didn't like it though. I think the clutch got a little hot and it wasn't giving enough drive in 3rd so I had to use second. She's been fine since though. I will get the clutch checked out in Italy. Hopefully Ele's dad, Giorgio, will have a mechanic di fiducia. That can wait though. The front right side tyre needs replacing. It's very bald indeed. I will take her to Speedy in the morning.

The view from Le Puy de Dome.

After the Puy De Dome I engaged the Tom Tom again and drove another couple of hours to Le Puy en Velay via Clermont Ferrard (which looked like an interesting place) and the Livradois valleys. Le Puy is very pretty but late on a sunday night its as lifeless as that last Elbow album.

Tomorrow will be exciting. Les Gorges du Tarn, the Millau Bridge and the Mediterrean! I've decided to cut Perpignan out of the trip this time. I have to be fairly sensible. Plus it means that I won't have to rush Provence at all now. I will try and stay near Arles now I think. This means I'll be able to visit Montpellier and Sete during the afternoon and then drive through the Camargue in the early evening. Should be fantastic.

Le Puy En Velay this evening..........

Day 1

Well I'm writing this from my deluxe 30 Euro Formule 1 hotel room just off Route Nationale 151 near a town called Bourges which is about a two and a bit hour drive south from Paris. All in all I've done about 450 miles today which I guess is something like London to Edinburgh.

I got up at 0330am this morning and went to Dover via Asda as I'd forgotten to pick up Mr Kipling Apple Pies for Francy. Its such a boring drive down to Dover and it was the biggest hardship of the day to try and keep focused on the road. The SpeedFerries boat is quite cool, although its like drivng inside a multi-story carpark for dwarves. I found myself a nice comfy seat and fell asleep only to be woken up by some inconsiderate family and screaming kids.

Anyway I managed to meet Izzi for lunch in Beauvais, which was great because I hadn't seen her for a long long time. We got a takeway sandwich each and sat overlooking the Cathedral which looks like this......

Then it was off to Paris to descend upon Magali. Mags used to work at Eurostar a few years back and is still the only woman I know who's proud to flaunt her flatulence. I have missed her a lot in the last few years. Here are some photos from there....

Bertha gleams in a Parisian side street near to Mag's flat. Now thats what I call parking. If anyone comments along the lines of "monsieur", "taxi" and "kerb", then I shall abandon this trip and beat someone with my fackin' 'orn.

This is Magali's cat Napoleon. In his 2 years of life he's managed to eat 7 cats, undergo a sex change (i'm not joking), lose weight, undergo liposuction and after a visit to a pet behaviour specialist is currently on a course of feline prozac because he's depressed about his restricted diet. Only one of the above isn't true.

A typical French reaction to the credit crunch. Keep hold of your assets. Here is proof that a happy woman is also a shameless woman!

After leaving Magali, Napoleon, Scott and Stuart it was a little excursion for Bertha around the Arc De Triomphe, which I can never resist and then down to Bourges via Orleans. It was a pretty uneventful drive but theres a whole load of Wind turbines that look pretty cool at dusk.

Anyway. Time for bed.

A few hours to go

Well I'm just about ready. All my clothes are packed, ham sandwiches are in the fridge. I still have one or two things to sort out first thing but otherwise its all systems go. Earlier I took Bertha for a wash and wax in order to get rid of the decaying leaves and pigeon filth that have built up over the last couple of weeks. I had to wait for 10 mins in the BP station car wash after some knobhead in Golf cut me up and got there first. I had the urge to do to him what Grace Jones did to Patrick Macnee in a View to a Kill. I say Tibbett, the car needs a wash!

I watched the VFL Bochum V Borussia Moenchengladbach game earlier on Setanta and the eleven from Niederhein managed to get a valuable 2-2 draw. Still bottom of the table but hopefully with Christian Ziege temporarily at the helm it might start a mini revival. But its looking like its going to be a desperate season of gloom. The only bright spark seems to be the young Marko Marin but if the season doesn't pick up he'll get snapped up by one of the richer clubs.

Anyway off to bed. Up at 4am.

1 day to go.

I'm starting to get excited now. I managed to speak to Hamish at AA this morning who managed to extend my European Breakdown Cover insurance for an extra day for the princely sum of £1.36p. Good man. Perhaps its my calmer and more silky telephone manner these days thats bearing more fruit. There were times in the past that upon hearing a Scottish accent I would immediatlely label them as Wee Jock Poo Pong McPlop and not get a sausage out of them. As it stands £1.36 is almost the same price as one of those dodgy Haggis's in Morrisons. Well it feels like a moral victory.



Today is beginning to drag a little bit. I still have some shopping to do and an Orange warning triangle to purchase. But these are just mere technicalities. I've yet to pack any clothes whatsoever.